5 Ways to Give Your Tween Some Freedom (Safely)

Your kid might want to walk home from school on their own, get themselves to an extracurricular activity, or hang out around the neighborhood with friends. Ask them what they feel ready for, and agree to a set of boundaries you’re both comfortable with. Those could be geographic, like “you’re allowed to walk from X Street to Y Avenue without asking, but if you want to go further, you need to check first.” Or they could be activity-specific, like it’s okay to go to a certain friend’s house on their own after school, but if they shift locations beyond that, they need to check in.

This is especially helpful for younger tweens or elementary schoolers who are new to venturing out on their own. Maybe there’s a local shop they can walk to on their own to pick up snacks, or a playground where they can shoot hoops or ride bikes with a friend. Younger children can start by paying for items at the store while you hang back, or checking out their own books at the library. Start small to build their confidence (and yours!), and go from there.

Your tween or young teen might not be ready for a real job (and it’s not legal for children under 14 to work, anyway). But even odd jobs like raking a neighbor’s yard, walking a younger child home from the bus stop, or shoveling the block in the winter can help your child build important life skills like responsibility and time management. They’ll probably appreciate the spending money, too.

It's easier to allow your kid some freedom if you can see where they are whenever you want, and get in touch with them quickly if necessary. (And vice versa!) The tradeoff, obviously, is that it opens up a new digital world, with all its accompanying risks. (Social media?! Yikes.) If you go the smartphone route, take advantage of the parental limit options that are built into the devices, and set additional ground rules together as a family. (A phone use contract with your tween is a good idea.) For families that prefer to wait on smartphones, smart watches or “dumb phones” can be alternatives that will still allow you to stay connected while your child is out and about.

This is the hardest part, right? Once you’ve agreed to the boundaries for your child’s newfound independence, don’t interfere—even if it seems like they’re going to mess things up.