Staying Safe and Smart Online

You set the rules. What devices they have access to, how often they’re allowed to use them (and when and where), and where they’ll store those devices—that’s all up to you. Consider drawing up a contract with your child so you’re on the same page about technology use. (Here are some tips for managing phone access with your tween.)

Know your privacy settings. Most social media accounts tend to default to public or open settings. Make sure your kid knows how to lock down their accounts so only their approved friend list (and YOU, of course) can see their content. And your tween should know that they should never share personal information like their address or phone number online, even if they’re asked for it by someone they think they trust.

Look for safe spaces and communities. Kids can feel pressure to be part of every online space just because their friends are. But keeping up with everything is inevitably stressful. And while there’s plenty of toxicity on social media, there are also opportunities for tweens to connect in positive and meaningful ways if they’re looking in the right places. Encourage your middle schooler to consider where they feel safe and happy online. Maybe they’ve connected with other kids who like the same games or books, or have similar academic interests. If they can focus on connecting in those spaces, and let go of other accounts or communities that feel less positive, they’ll be happier and safer.

Report bullying right away. Your tweens should know how to block another user if they ever need to. They should also know that they should talk to you about anything at all that makes them feel uncomfortable online, whether that’s behavior directed at them or stuff they witness toward other users. The same goes for messages that make them uncomfortable via text or other messaging apps—even if those messages come from friends or classmates (which can make it harder for tweens to know how to respond).

Consider the future. It might be hard for your 11-year-old to imagine that what they say on the internet today might matter a decade from now when they’re applying for a job. But now is the time to try to help them understand that. Ask them to consider whether they’d want the entire school—not just their friends—to see something they’ve posted. What about their extended family, or teachers? The goal isn’t to make our kids self-conscious, of course, but to nudge them to consider what it means that nothing on the internet is ever truly private or erasable.

Last, for parents: Learn about the types of social media your child is using. If you don’t know the difference between TikTok and Instagram…there’s no time like the present! Check out Common Sense Media’s “Ultimate Guides” to different social media platforms to understand how they work, so you can be better prepared to make sure your tween is safe.